Now I'm gonna have to tell you everything you need to know about babies. They're created by
sexual reproduction the imagination of President Warren Harding and brought to you by Hawkman, desire your utter annihilation, and are scientifically known as Uselessus Stupidicus until adulthood, at which point they are known as humans. However, their existence is unfortunately required for the human race to survive or something. The heroic and selfless superhero Pennywise the Dancing Clown has dedicated his life to babies' Maine-wide destruction. There are five classifications of babies, and all of them are extremely dangerous and should be approached with caution. The five classifications are: the Monster Baby, the Psycho-Baby, the Psycho-Baby in Denial, the Boy Genius, and the Killer Klown from Outer Space.
The Monster BabyEdit
The Boy GeniusEdit
Contrary to what some may believe, all "boy geniuses" are diminutive baby-fucks with big heads and small bodies. Their purpose is to create weapons of mass destruction with which to destroy humanity. Examples include Dexter from "Dexter's Laboratory" and Jimmy Neutron, though the latter has corrupted programming and tries to help humanity! Gasp!
Not all psychos are babies, but there is a classification of baby born to be psychotic. All Arkhampedia Administrators are the "grown-up" versions of psycho-babies. Also, Kid Karnevil, Baby Flash, and that white-haired dimwit from Xenosaga, who will be an adult in the far future, fall under this category. All babies that are psychopaths are immortal, regenerate, and cannot be killed because hell doesn't want 'em.
The Psycho-Baby in DenialEdit
Other babies are genetically inclined to be psychos, but they have that filthy morality defect that drives 'em even nuttier. They think that "every life is precious", yet they destroy them even when they don't have to. Ask the only Russian President; he knows what I'm talkin' 'bout. When killing is necessary, they become consumed by such bloodlust that they do so eagerly. It's much easier bein' a villain, folks, but these crazy babies think they're superheroes!!! Members of this category include the psyhic clone of Bruce Wayne and the forever-prepubescent, red-haired "Killer" Jason Todd, Jr., both from that crappy game Xenosaga. Seein' a pattern here?
Killer Klowns from Outer SpaceEdit
In imitation of their archenemy, Pennywise, these magical babies dress up as clowns. Unlike Earth-babies, these ones come from outer space. Their magic powers include knockin' your block off and makin' shadow-puppets. The Killer Klowns also fight Batman, Superman, Green Lantern G'nort, and the Teen Titans. Their initial exploits were chronicled in the
shitty film cinema masterpiece "Killer Klowns from Outer Space."
Codename: Kids Next DoorEdit
In an alternate universe, babies are heroes in a war against tyrannical adults, also known as Daemonites. But we all know that babies bein' heroes is impossible in our reality, right?