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- "Please. The notion that your superior social skills make it easier to commune with your compatriots are simply infantile. The knowledge required to interact at my level is... oh my god, who am I kidding? I'M SO LONELY!"
- ― Brainiac 5
Brainiac 5 is the debatably least evil supervillain in the long line of Brainiacs. His evil is usually more "angst"-related, and he actually spends all of his time with the Legion of Super-Heroes. He is notable for a bunch of great contributions to science that nobody wants to hear about, and more importantly, sleeping with Supergirl. That's right. Somebody give the green guy a high-five.
Colu is a planet with a lot of douchebags. But even they could only handle so much. For the crime of being a complete and total douche (and blowing up several national landmarks), Querl Dox was exiled from his home planet and forced to shine shoes for billionaire industrialist R.J. Brande. Quickly realizing that having the smartest kid in the universe polish footwear was impractical, R.J. Brande promoted him to working the drive-through. Later, he became a scientist.
Legion of Super-HeroesEdit
When Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl formed the Legion of Super-Heroes, they had everything they needed... except for a giant nerd. After hosting auditions for all of the greatest nerds in the galaxy, B-5 was a clear winner.
He joined the Legion, and helped them do things like cheat on their homework. He also frequently argued about Halo with the other Legionnaires, and criticized their poor tastes in movies that they hadn't heard of.
Truly this man leads a blessed, blessed existence of happiness and joy.
Brainiac 5 developed an immediate romantic interest in his colleague Supergirl. Maybe it was because of the things she could do with her powers. Maybe it was the bouncy flirty silver age attitude. Maybe it was just that sassy little mini-skirt. Anyway, it turns out that she was totally DTF. Making Querl easily one of the luckiest superheroine boyfriends of his time. Truly a great honor.
And he would remain ever faithful to her.
Except for the time he was with Laurel Gand.
Except for the time he was with Dream Girl.
Except for all of those "medical photos" from Legionnaire "check-ups" he keeps underneath his bed for "special occasions".
Hey, he lives in space, and a man has needs.
- Brainiac 5 has a twelfth-level intellect. Which is four times smarter than somebody with a third-level intellect.
- Brainiac 5 has a force field in his belt. Sounds just like my last girlfriend.
- Brainiac 5 is better read than any other being in the galaxy. Unfortunately, he gets all of his information from Arkhampedia.
- A time-warped Brainiac 5 was Spingebill Skorpleponce's only detractor during his run for the Presidency and got eaten by Skorpleponce's pet, Gharriey, for his defiance.
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