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Clark Kent

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General Information


Clark Boris Oswald Reginald Ignacio Nicholas Gregory Arthur Samuel Sanjaya Honus Ignascius Theodore Kent otherwise known as Boring or That Boring Fuck in the Corner was Born on a below-than-average day to his fifty-seven year old mom on August 28 otherwise known as Boring Day. Clark had a boring life other than the fact his crush wouldn't go out with him becuase she thought he was Superman. That sucks. I mean if you were Superman, that would make the girls want to go out with you, right? Even if you weren't Superman, which Clark wasn't, and some girl thought you were Superman, she would go out with you, right? In Clark's case, not so much. He claimed he wasn't Superman throught his whole life even though some of the hottest girls he knew would gladly sleep with him if he told them he was Superman... Ay yi yi! What a Dickwad.

Early LifeEdit

Elementary and Middle SchoolEdit

Clark went through the 35-stage-nerd-cycle every day from Kindergarten to 8th. The cycle progresses as follows:

  1. Wake up
  2. Pet picture of pet hampster (because of allergy to movement)
  3. Eat bran flakes and brannana
  4. Get beat up on bus
  5. Lunch Money Stolen
  6. Wedgie
  7. Shoved in Circle at Homeroom
  8. Finish Math Worksheet in 4.35789 seconds
  9. Spitballs Part 1
  10. Count Spitballs for fun (23)
  11. Get shoved in hallway four times inbetween class
  12. Ace spelling test in 7.890561 seconds
  13. Spitballs Part 2
  14. Count Spitballs for fun again (14)
  15. Build full scale model of squirrel atom
  16. Wads of Paper thrown (17)
  17. Tripped in hallway...twice
  18. Lunch...go hungry
  19. Used as tetherball at recess
  20. Explain the entire history of Europe since Year 1 in five minutes and 26.78889 seconds.
  21. Wedgie
  22. Write an essay on toenails in seven minutes, fourteen seconds
  23. Swirlie
  24. Kick me note
  25. Get kicked 12 times
  26. Recite the Decleration of Independence in Spanish
  27. Pantsed in front of crush and friends
  28. Late for gym class
  29. Fifty push ups
  30. Collapse at twenty three
  31. Dodgeball: Everyone vs you
  32. Hit by thirteen dogeballs sixty-two times.
  33. Get beat up on bus
  34. Arrive home
  35. Rinse and Repeat next day.

HighschoolEdit

In highschool Clark became known as the Homework Kid, anyone above him on the social ladder would give him their homework every night. So that was about everyone. Only the kid who shat in his pants on graduation day in Eighth Grade was below Clark. But he movd away after the first month so Clark was screwed. The only person who was nice to Clark was Lana Lang. She was the most popular girl in school, but she only gave him half her homework. I know what your thinking: It's not like the most popular girl in school would go for the most unpopular kid. Well your right, sorta. Clark, who had a fear of everything that doesn't involve learning, would leave each time Superboy showed up. So Lana thought that Clark was Superboy. That was the first part of the reason she would pay even the least bit of attentention to Clark. The second reason was that, Lana was a slut who thought she could get easy sex off of Clark. She was wrong, so terribly wrong.

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