Clark Kent
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Clark Boris Oswald Reginald Ignacio Nicholas Gregory Arthur Samuel Sanjaya Honus Ignascius Theodore Kent otherwise known as Boring or That Boring Fuck in the Corner was Born on a below-than-average day to his fifty-seven year old mom on August 28 otherwise known as Boring Day. Clark had a boring life other than the fact his crush wouldn't go out with him becuase she thought he was Superman. That sucks. I mean if you were Superman, that would make the girls want to go out with you, right? Even if you weren't Superman, which Clark wasn't, and some girl thought you were Superman, she would go out with you, right? In Clark's case, not so much. He claimed he wasn't Superman throught his whole life even though some of the hottest girls he knew would gladly sleep with him if he told them he was Superman... Ay yi yi! What a Dickwad.
Early Life
Edit
Elementary and Middle SchoolEdit
Clark went through the 35-stage-nerd-cycle every day from Kindergarten to 8th. The cycle progresses as follows:
- Wake up
- Pet picture of pet hampster (because of allergy to movement)
- Eat bran flakes and brannana
- Get beat up on bus
- Lunch Money Stolen
- Wedgie
- Shoved in Circle at Homeroom
- Finish Math Worksheet in 4.35789 seconds
- Spitballs Part 1
- Count Spitballs for fun (23)
- Get shoved in hallway four times inbetween class
- Ace spelling test in 7.890561 seconds
- Spitballs Part 2
- Count Spitballs for fun again (14)
- Build full scale model of squirrel atom
- Wads of Paper thrown (17)
- Tripped in hallway...twice
- Lunch...go hungry
- Used as tetherball at recess
- Explain the entire history of Europe since Year 1 in five minutes and 26.78889 seconds.
- Wedgie
- Write an essay on toenails in seven minutes, fourteen seconds
- Swirlie
- Kick me note
- Get kicked 12 times
- Recite the Decleration of Independence in Spanish
- Pantsed in front of crush and friends
- Late for gym class
- Fifty push ups
- Collapse at twenty three
- Dodgeball: Everyone vs you
- Hit by thirteen dogeballs sixty-two times.
- Get beat up on bus
- Arrive home
- Rinse and Repeat next day.
HighschoolEdit
In highschool Clark became known as the Homework Kid, anyone above him on the social ladder would give him their homework every night. So that was about everyone. Only the kid who shat in his pants on graduation day in Eighth Grade was below Clark. But he movd away after the first month so Clark was screwed. The only person who was nice to Clark was Lana Lang. She was the most popular girl in school, but she only gave him half her homework. I know what your thinking: It's not like the most popular girl in school would go for the most unpopular kid. Well your right, sorta. Clark, who had a fear of everything that doesn't involve learning, would leave each time Superboy showed up. So Lana thought that Clark was Superboy. That was the first part of the reason she would pay even the least bit of attentention to Clark. The second reason was that, Lana was a slut who thought she could get easy sex off of Clark. She was wrong, so terribly wrong.
