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Pet rock-1-

BEWARE MY POWAAAAH!

Bought from a loser named Gary Dahl, Darkseid the ideal Pet Rock was owned by Spider-Man and his wife, a prostitute named Karl Marx, in Mother Russia during the Age of Communism. Darkseid was a much loved and cared-for pet, demonstrated by how Spidey and Marx's son, Sergei Kravinoff, liked to piss, shit, and vomit on him. However, Darkseid harbored a dark secret; he was from an alien world named Apokolips and secretly wanted to annihilate humanity. When Darkseid tried to fire his Omega Beams at Sergei, Spider-Man sold him to America's Justice League so they could have their zombeh-dog Scooby Doo subject him to dark horrors. In time, Darkseid would pit his considerable might against Superman in his futile efforts to escape the JLA, but he decided to quit doin' that when Bateman finally gave him a comfy nest. When the immortal Commie Joseph Stalin, the JLA's archenemy, infiltrated the League's Mystery Machine, he became Darkseid's mindless minion. This led to the end of the Soviet Union and Stalin's tranformation into a politcal activist that tried to manipulate the hippies into unleashing flower power on the Earth's heroes, but Stalin was made retarded by Doctor Fate's helmet the first airing of the "Super Friends" cartoon show. The JLA then threw Stalin's droolin' body into the garbage next to a KFC on a hot day, unaware that Darkseid was in his pocket. After much struggling to escape, Darkseid got eaten by a hobo named Dan Turpin, allowing the evil pet rock to possess him. Unfortunately for him, Turpin owed Bateman some cash, so the the urban terrorist shot him dead. In the future, Darkseid's ghost, having mutated into a Chia-Pet, would try to make everyone on the planet Daxam eat their pants, but Lumpy Custard's ghost forced him to eat her devilish tofu, ending him at last. A genetic splice between Darkseid and Doctor Octopus created the Octorok race, which was made extinct by Link.

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