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El Janitor

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Arkhampedia Cell Keeper: "Jesus, how many paranoid people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
El Janitor: "Who wants to know?"
— A Cell Keeper to the slightly nervous El Janitor.
El Janitor
Ignacio "El Janitor" Fuentes

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Biographical information

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Homeworld
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Janitor IV

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Physical description

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Species
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Janitaur (Like Minotaur)

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Gender
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Bull

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Height
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Big and manly

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Eye color
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Janitorian

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Cybernetics
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Mop

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Chronological and political information

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Affiliation
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Ignacio Fuentes, also known as El Janitor, who had the words shouted at him so much that he often thought his name was Clean it up, asshole, was a Janitor. But he wasn't just any Janitor. He was a Janitaur, who could morph into a half bull half Janitor (kinda like the Minotaur) at night and wander around Gotham City doing weird things. Now, as you may have guessed, he wasn't normal. No. He was very strange indeed. In fact, he was so strange that he was Mexican. Yes, if you have Swine Flu right now it's doubtless down to El Janitor, his family or one of his countless incest relations. If you don't, then you soon will do. Because the second the Janitaur mops your street with his mop of doom, you know you're screwed.

The Janitaur's coming for you.

El Janitor was actually a bit of a lonely guy; he was racially insulted for being a "bully" at school, although poor young Ignacio (or Iggy Wiggy as his mother called him) had never done any bullying in his life. It was this that saw him morph into a Janitaur for the first time, pick up a broom and beat the shit out of his bullies. (DENIED) This established him a reputation as being a bit unfriendly, although poor Iggy Wiggy was actually a nice guy. Either way, it meant he had to pick up a career as a Janitor, and he chose to do so at Arkham Asylum. In the end, however, they found out about his bullshit (no, seriously, not only did he speak it but he did it) so they locked him up as an inmate. It's been suggested that he tried to kill Lumpy Custard with his broom.

But she actually ate him. Whole.

HistoryEdit

Early lifeEdit

El Janitor: "What's the difference between a Janitor and a trampoline?"
Cell Keeper: "I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline."
— El Janitor, not receieving the answer he expected from a Cell Keeper.

El Janitor was born to Nina Les Buttocks Grand and that jerk Seth McFarlane Stephen King, in a bout of drunken, rampant sex, in which one person got drunk and screwed something they wouldn't otherwise have screwed. I'm talking about the Gorilla, of course. Nina's desperate enough to screw a crazed Wookiee if it came his way, although the Wookiee wouldn't allow that of course. Unless Nina is a firecrotch. And a firecrotch that looks like this. But, onwards with our tale! Ignacio Fuentes was born in the back of a cowshed (and no, he's not Jesus), and yes, he was a bastard. One of the things Ignacio would look back on in his life was that he was born a bastard. He didn't like that.

So, in all reality, calling him El Bastard would also make sense. But we don't do that. Because we're sort of nice. Not very nice. But sort of. From a certain point of view. El bast- Janitor actually grew up being raised by his lone mother Nina, in a skip yard. Superman, Pimp from the Stars, actually flew past El Janitor on numerous occasions, however didn't really give two shits as to the well being of some Janitaur.

It was around the age of four that Ignacio's true Janitaur powers began to manifest themselves, Ignacio transforming into a Janitaur in the night, grabbing a broom and terrorising the local neighbourhood. In this, traditionally Mexican way, Ignacio was able to steal enough for himself and his mother to eat. Rumor has it that Ignacio went into a mad rampage as a Janitaur. Rumor has it that he did strange and twisted things when he was like this. Rumor had it that he once did "odd" things to his mother. Rumor has it that these "things" resulted in the impregnation of his mother from which she would subsequently give birth to the Wildebeast, who was Ignacio's brother. Some people suggest that El Janitor's brother wasn't actually the Wildebeast but was, in fact, Madclaw. But no one's ever confirmed it. We just all know it's true.

JanitorialismEdit

"Janitor, Janitor. Does whatever a Janitor does. Can he swing, from a broom? Yes he can, he's a Janitor. Look ooouuttt... here's El Janitor!"
―Popular folk song.
Ignacio

Ignacio, ready for some hardcore mopping.

El Janitor picked up a passion for Janitorialism after studying at what many called the school of Janitaurs, a place established for Janitaurs to go to. Even though they're very rare. Obviously this is a very odd school, with very odd teachings, and so it can only be found in Sesame Street, the most whacked up Street in Gotham City without actually accepting the anarchy that flows through it as legitimate. El Janitor first started scrubbing a few things in the skip yard he lived in, then a few things at the school, then people. Yes, he washed people. He washed them all over. Legend has it that he even washed his own mother, which led her to flee, assume a new name and become an Arkham Asylum Cell Keeper, seeing as she could now empathise with those who were crazy enough to have to be locked up in a cell like that.

Meanwhile, El Janitor's passion as a Janitaur, cleansing the streets of Gotham City of filth continued, his rampages meaning he was confused with many erstwhile villains, including the Joker for a time. But these rumors were soon broken down by the fact that El Janitor didn't own a pencil, and couldn't do any magic.

Dirty Bathroom joke

The horrors of janitorism is nothing to a Janitaur.

Eventually, though, El Janitor needed some money. El Janitor liked prostitutes. Unlike Baleman, he preferred the dirty blonde ones. But they always charged him too much. (Charging Mexicans more? w00t) Therefore, he needed a job for money for hookers. And for a job he needed skills. And for skills he needed help. So, he needed help to need skills to need a job to need money for hookers to need sex to need pleasure to need fun to be able to be invigorated. A tall order. Therefore, El Janitor thought he'd visit his mother, who was now a Cell Keeper, at the same time. Thus, at around the same time as Aunt Lumpy joined, Ignacio Fuentes joined Arkham Asylum, as a Janitor.

AsylumEdit

"Why don't we Mexicans have an Olympic team? *pause* Because anyone good at running, jumping or swimming has already used their skills to cross the US border."
―Ignacio Fuentes.
Komondor

Ignacio's mop/animal.

Ignacio's ability to clean and mop saw him gain a good position in Arkham Asylum, (no, not the kind of positions you, <insert name here> , are thinking about...) but saw his own mother run away from him. This made El Janitor Ignacio more mad, more crazy than ever before. This made him so mad, so crazy, that he was just too mad and too crazy to say anything but how mad and how crazy he really is. Therefore you'd have to be incredibly mad and incredibly crazy if you doubted how mad and crazy this made the rather mad and crazy Ignacio, who was, have I mentioned, mad and crazy.

El Janitor's sweeping of the corridors saw him get friendly with many of the inmates of Arkham Asylum, including the Joker. Some have suggested that, if not for El Janitor, the Joker wouldn't have escaped. But, we must remember, the Joker was adept at magic, and it may have been a bull conjured up from the Joker's favourite item, boners, that helped him escape, and not El Janitor.

During the Custard Rebellion that occurred after Aunt Lumpy made some very shit food and the Inmates broke out, Ignacio helped out the Inmates by breaking them free and storming Aunt Lumpy's kitchens. Although Aunt Lumpy's tofu incapacitated Ignacio before he could do much, he managed to go nuts in her kitchen and break a lot of stuff, therefore he was rather successful in the mission. Despite Ignacio doing great good for Arkham Asylum, it's Cell Keepers and it's culinary side, they noticed Ignacio was a bit mad and crazy, noticed he could turn into a bull, and so locked him up and called him an inmate.

Unfortunately, however, when Aunt Lumpy was made an inmate herself, she shared a cell with Ignacio. Ignacio, desperate for revenge, a chance to break free and a chance to beat the shit out of someone with his bull-ness, tried to attack Aunt Lumpy. Aunt Lumpy, however, with such a prodigious girth as she had (she was bloody fat, basically) ate all of El Janitor. Poor Ignacio died.

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