The Exiles


Publication information


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Published by
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Marvel Comics

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Created by
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Some guys that got really high, then decided to put the worst multiverse characters together with the best.

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Story information


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Depending on who is on the team

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Some base outside space and time

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Screwed up Time streams


"It started off innocent... take random dead multiverse characters and throw them into a team to stop mistakes in timestreams... Who would have known it would get this out of control?"
―The Timebrokers, reflecting on The Exiles

The Exiles are a group of super humans taken from various Alternate Realities, and thrown into a team after they are dealt a killing blow. They serve as protectors of the timelines of all universes.

Of course, considering that you have to die in order to join this team, prime candidates were few and far between after the original roster. Conflicting Heroes and Villains, guys with very little real power, and love interests, sometimes even leading to self incest, all left this team an odd bunch who got the job done, but fucked up more than they were meant to fix.

You can tell when a team is starting to run out of prime candidates when you end up getting people like A version of Peter Parker that's a hobo with no powers, A zombie version of Deadpool that is nothing but a head, and A version of Matt Murdock that's a Monk as main characters.

On thing is good about this particular situation.

Yes, they are failing.

But they are failing at a very high caliber.

The Initial TeamEdit

Timebroker: "You will serve us, or you will die..."
Morph: "So... what your saying is... If we don't do what you say, we're dead. But if we do what you say, we're already dead anyways. Who can fault that kind of insane logic?"
— Morph upon hearing the Timebrokers proposal

After the destruction of one possible alternate reality, God realized that his created multiverses were in danger. So, he issued his good friend, the Timebroker, to set up a team to travel throughout of the cosmos and fix kinks in the space/time continuum.

The Timebroker picked some recently deceased heroes from various realities.

  • Morph, a kickass and funnier version than the main universe Morph. he was a member of the Avengers, the X-Men, and X-Factor He died from complications with roofies and whiskey at a party.
  • Magnus, the alternate reality son of Magneto and Rogue, had recently died, after touching an image of himself in the mirror, and turning himself to stone.
  • Blink was next. She had ceased to exist after the destruction of The Age of Apocalypse, and, since the Timebroker sorta had a fetish for her, he decided to bring her back.

That dudes got some anger in his alternate selves.

Finally, you had Thunderbird. He came from a reality where Apocalypse had fucked him up, and made him into a killing machine, in the name of making him his Horsemen of Death. he committed suicide so that he didn't need to deal with his actions anymore.

These five odd souls found themselves in a landscape that did not actually exist, being told that they either worked for the Timebroker, or died.

Considering they were dead anyway, what choice did they have?

The ReplacementsEdit

"Seriously, at this point, I'm wishing for death..."
―Morph, the only remaining founder on the team.

As each member died in the Exiles, the Timebroker would pick someone at random to replace them. This lead to some not great picks for a superhero team, and even the inclusion of some supervillains and Unknown Entities.

  • Female Sunfire, Japanese born member of her worlds X-Men, a raging lesbian. Replaced Magnus, who died on the very first mission, like a pussy.
  • Female Sasquatch, wife of her universes Wolverine. Replaced Thunderbird, who died defending an Arena World from Galactus. But really, he was avoiding the fact that he had knocked up Nocturn.
  • Victor Creed of The Age of Apocolypse joined the team after his own group proved to be to violent for him. imagine that, a version of Sabretooth that was turned /off/ buy violence.
  • Beak, a half man, half bird, half ugly thing, was a powerless mutant picked at random to replace Nocturne, who left to convince her father in the main reality that he was actually her father. You see how they are getting less and less suited to be in the group?
  • Namora joined when Sabretooths band of happy Kilers broke up. She was the queen of Atlantis in her home reality, but here, she was just another team member, which irked her to no end.
  • Spider-Man 2099, the Spider-Man of the far future, replaced Mimic after he contracted a skin disorder from an Alternate Deadpool.
  • Psylocke replaced Blink, for a short period of time. This was just before her multiverse fanboy murdering spree. Blink left voluntarily to seek aid from the skin disorder her former "playmate" got from that alternate Deadpool.
  • Longshot, who replaced Sasquatch, after she was killed by sympathizing with a feral alternate Wolverine.
  • Days of Future Past Wolverine, who replaced Sunfire after she was raped in the Mangaverse
  • Headpool, a Zombie version of Deadpool, who is nothing but a head. He replaced Sabretooth after his main universe self ripped him to peices.
  • Manga Thor, the Thor from the dreaded Marvel Mangaverse. He replaced Namora, after she burned to death on Venus.
  • A mass murdering Spider-Man, who replaced beak after he fell down a mineshaft in a 19th century like reality.
  • The Luke Cage Werewolf, who replaced headpool after he was conveniently left in the Nazi DC universe.
  • A Midevil Knight Batman, the first to be contracted from the DC Universe. He replaced Psylocke when she went on a killing rampage. He was killed by The Spider.
  • Thing Iron Man, a version of Ben Grimm who is also Iron Man. He replaced Werewolf Luke Cage after the Midevil batman stabbed it.
  • Solomon Grundy, who replaced Longshot, who just went to chase a nice peice of ass. He later went crazy and left.
  • A chick version of Magneto, who replaced Manga Thor, who died after he crossed a Greek God. She got impregnated by her alternate male self, and died during the pregnancy.
  • A bounty Hunter version of Wolverine. He replaced Spider-Man 2099 after the Spider went berserk and killed him
  • The Undertaker, a man who makes restless souls Rest In Peace. He replaced Days of Future Past Wolverine, who died fight Zombie Galactus
  • The kickass Iron-Man from the Movies, who replaced The Spider, after he went on a killing spree
  • A version of Peter Parker that's a hobo with no powers, who replaced Deathstroke after he went out in a hail of fire and sparks... fighting a Donkey from a world with giant animals.

You seeing a pattern here?

Of course not. Turns out picking at Random can get your team to kill each other rather than your enemies.

Current RosterEdit

While the roster of the Exiles keeps on changing every day, we try to keep up with it. These are the five Super Humans currently apart of the Exiles.




"Seriously, can I die now?"

Morph has been with the Exiles since day one. He used to be a fun loving guy, funny, and entertaining. Now he's on drugs just to keep up. He's literally lost his mind with the changes that have happened since the beginning. And now, to make it all worse, he is the functioning leader.

He just wants to die.

The UndertakerEdit

Rest In Peace


"I've journeyed to the depths of hell, I built it brick by brick... and this even scares me out of my fuckin mind"
―Undertaker. Not PG.

He's been with the Exiles the second longest.

Not that thats impressive, since the Exiles have only been around three months, and he joined about a week ago.

In his world, he harbors the souls of those who should be dead to the underground. Here, however, he usually stays in a corner, ignoring peoples whines and moans until its time to fight. Then you see Chokeslams, Tombstone Piledrivers, and Lightning bolts from the sky.

The Dark ClawEdit

Dark Claw Amalgam


"This is something even my regenerative powers can't heal"
―The Dark Claw, describing his current predicament.

An unholy cross between Batman and Wolverine, this amalgam creation his the brawn of the Exiles.

He replaced the Iron Man from those kickass movies after he met with Magneto in the comics, who, as everyone knows, far surpasses the power of the Magneto from the Movies.

Hooded JusticeEdit



"Oh, how I miss ze hillz, un veilz, und trailz... of old bavaria..."
―Hooded justice singing of his wish to go home

Is there anything funnier than a gay Nazi?

Well, no, because thanks to this group, nothings funny anymore. This group needs to die.

And Hooded Justice may help with that...

...or the others might kill him when they find out he's a Nazi...

...or that he's Gay...

Monk MurdockEdit

Monk Murdock


"All can be solved with proper use of religion."
―Monks are a pain in the ass.

See, this is the problem. You'll get a good guy, a bad guy, and a usless guy, and nobody gets along!

This version of Matt Murdock became a pacifist Monk after he lost his eye sight.

Completely and utterly useless.

he replaced Death

Bet you a hundred bucks he's the next one to die.

I'll add fifty to it, 'cause I think he's gonna die within the next half a day.

Well, I suppose they had to pick rather quickly, considering he replaced a version of Peter Parker who's only quality was a cardboard Box for a home.

He lasted two minutes.

Tommy Lee, Two Face from BatmanEdit

Tommy Lee Jones Two Face


"You want to die, Morph? I'll oblige, if you like. You get a 50/50 chance..."
―Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face

So, this is what it comes down to? A humorous broken down man losing his mind, a wrestling demon, a heresy inspired crossbreed, a Gay Nazi, a useless monk...

And we get Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face?



Yeah, well...

Thats the Exiles for ya.

External LinksEdit

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