You should've picked a better vacation spot.
- "Nobody's ever come out of here alive. Oh, wait, that guy? No, he's not leaving. He is? Then he doesn't count. And that other guy is a douchebaggy!"
- ―Arkham Asylum is a terrible place
Arkham Asylum. It's where freaks go when they need to get away from things for awhile. Just on the outskirts of Gotham City, so that all of its dangerous criminals have an immediate escape into a well-populated area.
Batman dumps his losers there from time to time, because if he put them in a competent institution, then their problems would be solved, and that would be boring. What would we read?
It's also the Joker's home away from home. And a great place to meet chicks.
Oddly, Arkham has had its history of insane staff members as well as inmates, a pattern?
Staff[]
- Main article: Arkham Asylum Staff
The asylum houses many inmates, and is maintained by a number of Cell Keepers on staff.
Speaking of staff, there were at least three known people who were unfortunate/stupid enough to join Arkham Asylum's lower staff. Mercifully, all are currently deceased due to the budget cuts, or simply because their real employer, the Joker, got bored and decided to do away with their miserable jobs (not to mention lives). Each of these random individuals were fit for a career at Arkham Asylum, where they worked hard to make the inmates’ escape plans as easy as possible for them. They not only demonstrated ridiculously poor judgment, but little if any sense of self preservation during their careers. Due to the high employee death rate staff turnover, each of these positions are now open for anyone interested at Arkham.
Such staff members have included Lumpy Custard, Arkham's cook, and El Janitor, the longtime custodian at the asylum.
Additionally, Arkham did have one security guard at the Joker's beck and call, but he was eventually murdered by Deadpool, some say on the Joker's orders for budget cuts.
Attraction/Supervillains' Guide to Arkham Asylum[]
The following tourist guide for supervillains to Arkham Asylum was released by Arkham administration and distributed in Gotham City:
Welcome to madness! This information guide should provide you with everything you need to know, whether you're a new resident or just visiting.
The Arkham tourist's guide lists all the exciting attractions Arkham Asylum has to offer!
As they say in these parts, "Arkham -- it'll slay you!"
The Joker & Pals
Professor J. Howthgate
(Director)
Guide[]
Arkham Asylum is a world-renowned psychiatric health center specializing in inhumane patient treatment. Our psychiatrists, physicians, and licensed professionals are board certified in order to disregard the mental health needs of Gotham City. We take pride in matching the ideal doctor for every Arkham inmate. The guarantees a rapport that can sustain what is often a lengthy and harrowing process of descent into emotional insanity. Arkham Asylum provides housing that is far below the national standard in terms of safety, security, and comfort. The in-house kitchen specializes in a daily menu that minimizes nutritional value. This environment has proven conducive to a slow and nonexistent recovery. To learn more, please make an appointment to attend one of our informative guided tours.
This guide's information proves that Arkham is not an attempt to practice medicine or provide specific medical advice, and is dedicated to ensuring inmates remain loony for as long as possible.
Most hospitals believe you can't put a price on horrible mental health care. We at Arkham Care beg to differ. In addition to our poor services, Arkham offers a wide range of upgradeable benefits, the perfect way to show a mentally ill loved one that you really don't care after all. These amazing add-on services are all part of what we like to call the Arkham Advantage.
- 1. Shock therapy is a time-tested technique for inducing instant mental illness. Massage therapy is an ancient practice designed to corrupt the body. At Arkham, we have combined the two to create the world's first shock/massage hybrid therapy program, which our patients fearfully refer to as Shock and Awe. Have your loved one experience this groundbreaking therapy that destroys the body and mind.
- 2. For our patients accustomed to a higher standard of living, we offer the Pampered Prisoner. Indulge in a filthy, damp, cell crawling with vermin for maximum comfort. Lounge in the imitation cotton, 100-percent patched Arkham designer uniform. Relax with restraints made of low-quality musty steel surrounded by corroded velvet. You may have lost your mind, but you never have to lose your life of luxury.
- 3. Since the 1950s, re-education has been used as an effective tool to cleanse the mind of pure thoughts and desires. However, re-education typically uses the same images, sounds, and films to reprogram the minds of all patients into threats to society. At Arkham, we offer loved ones the unique opportunity to engage in forced re-education. You may handpick all media that your loved one is exposed to, or you may choose from several pre-approved Arkham themes. Themes include Abusive Husband, Hateful Father, Spiteful Friends, or our most extensive theme, Nothing. With Selective Re-Education, you can kill the loved one that you always hated.
- 4. Save when you purchase the Complete Arkham Advantage, a combination off all three Arkham Advantage Plans. This plan is the dirt standard in upgradeable mental health care. Show you don't care. Choose Complete Arkham Advantage today. Arkham works with one major insurance provider. Operators are standing by, ready to give your loved one the Arkham Advantage. In Arkham, no one can hear them scream.