Crossover Calamities

Crossover Calamities

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Crossover Calamities is a webcomic created by Arkhampedian, Merc for Arkhampedia. It contains heroes and villians from all comic universes, but mainly DC and Marvel. Creator, Merc attempted to insert humor at times, so be ready for some bad puns ;).

Season One: Invading Marvel

Issue #1:In the Beginning

Evil ex-convict Lex Luthor has called DC's greatest villians...well sort of, to his farm outside of Smallville, USA

Hello. My name, as you may know is Lex Luthor. I have brought you here today...

Did you know you look like Voldy-mort from Harry Plopper? Hahaha!

Uh...Indeed. Anyway I brought you all here today because we six are the best criminals our Universe has to offer. The Joker...

"...the Riddler"

"...the Scarecrow"

"...Brainiac"

"...Bizarro"

And of course myself. I said this universe because I discovered another one. One that I plan to conquer with you. How do we get there you ask?

"Through the Portal of Evil!"

Issue #2:Doom

Lex Luthor has revealed the Portal of Evil that leads to another universe to five other super-villians.

What is it with you earthlings and your doom? Not everything is doomful. If that was true we would die when we walked into that pitiful excuse for a portal. You earthlings, truely are bad at naming things.

Shut it you Exterterrstrial Idiot. I don't need any smart comments while I'm monolouging evily.

What came first? Lex or the Brain. Hahahahahahahaha!

Thats horrible. This is why I'm the better villian. What are you even doing here? You aren't even close to being a good villian. Or rather a bad one.

Yeah...Well Bane was in the hospital with several tumors, Poison Ivy developed a nasty case of poison oak, Mr. Freeze had a fever of fourteen degrees, TwoFace is in the middle of an identity crisis, the Penguin had a prior commitment at a fishsticks eating contest, the Killer Croc is suing the Killer Moth for name rights, Ra's al Ghul is in some forign country with no phones, and Catwoman was out buying more tight clothing for the benefit of us fanboys...uh, I mean fanboys in general. Anyway the Riddler was the only choice left of villians from Gotham.

You could've just told us the rest were unavailable you long winded bastard.

Issue #3:Moving to Marvel

We have come to Issue #3 and these so called "supervillains" are taking their damn good time moving their butts out of a conference room on a farm outside of Smallville...sigh.

Bizarro bored! Bizarro want to crush Superman.

In due time my retarded friend. In due time, but first we must conquer the next universe through this portal.

Lex and the other "supervillians" enter the portal and dissappear from the farm. But two ,normally unwelcome, visitors, visit a few minutes later.

KAPOW!

Ha! We're here to stop you Lex. And, no I'm not paying for the door, you- We're to late, aren't we?

D'uh, you peice of Batshit. I told you we shouldn't of taken the Batmobile.

...Shut up...

Issue #4: Marvel...or not

Our heroes, or rather our villians, have entered the next universe, or so they thought

This doesn't look like a universe I'd like to conquer.

Its halloween Charlie Brown! Hey wait...its not Halloween. And your not Charlie Brown!

BLAM

No. We aren't killing children. We are only killing the childrens heroes and crushing their freedoms.

Phpbt...fine.

And why are you always holding that lighter out? What is that supposed to do?

I'm a criminally insane physco case with three trips to Arkham. What do you expect?

Issue #5:Watermelon Head

Lex and his allies are not in the universe they want to be in. They are in a universe over run by kids and with adults that can't speak any known language.

Oh my fucking god...you killed Lucy!

You have a really big head, you know that?

Uh, yeah...okay. But thats not important. That asshole in the mask just killed Lucy!

...Its shaped like a Watermelon...

Shut up you stupid clown!

RATATATATATATATATATATA

Actually...It kind of looks like an oversized cantaloupe now that I think about it.

Issue #6:And we are outta here!

Lex and company are still stuck in some useless universe trying to get to another one. One worth conquering.

Now that we aren't killing children anymore I'd like to announce the good news: I've found us a way out of here. Bizarro and I can fly us to the next universe. Of course we'd have to go at speeds three times the speed of light, but thats okay. I'll use my super suit and Bizarro can just fly.

Bizarro can fly!

No shit, brawns for brains.

You have a super suit?

Yeah, how come I've never heard of this "super suit" I thought we were Bald Guys Anonymus buddies!

Yeah, I have one. It's right...

HEEEEEEERRRREEE!

Cast

Villians

Lex Luthor

Lex Luthor is the main villian in the first season. He is an ex-convict, bald, and an enemy of Superman. Every attempt to kill Superman has failed so Lex devoted his time to discovering another planet that he could try and conquer. Instead he found another universe and a portal, an old abandoned subway station, to it! He gathered the five best criminals (and the Riddler) in his universe, including himself, and traveled to the next universe. Then...well, read the comics to find out.

The Joker

Do you wanna know how The Joker got his scars? Learn as Season One goes on! The Joker is a mass-mudering pimped out mutherfucker who has traveled to Marvel with Lex and four others. He is Batman's mortal enemy. If Batman had to choose between saving Robin or stopping The Joker, he would choose both, but thats because Batman's so beast.

Brainiac

Braniac is an alien from outerspace. He hates Superman and Krypton. He wishes to destroy Krypton only to remember that Krypton was destroyed in the thirties. So he has made his life goal to destroy Superman. One problem: He's bald. And we all know how bald people <cough>...Lex Luthor...<cough> do against Superman. So he has gone with Lex and the others to the next universe to see if his baldness will affect him there.

The Scarecrow

The Scarecrow is a phsyco ex-convict with three trips to Arkham. He has many obssesions over many things including, burlap sacks, Batman, lighters, Batman, illegal drugs, Batman, nice suits, Batman, mobsters, Batman, cameos, and, oh, Batman. Did I mention Batman? The Scarecrow is a clean shaven nutcase wanting to kill Batman. So far, it hasn't worked out. Taking the chance for a new oppurtunity he will travel to the next universe with the others and attempt to conquer it. Maybe develop a few more illegal drugs.

Bizarro

Bizarro is a semi-retarded clone of Superman created by Lex Luthor in a failed experiment. Bizarro, in turn, started a Bizarro planet and cloned himself and a Bizarro Lois Lane a kabillion-jillion times. Thats more than the fingers on one hand! Occasionally Bizarro will try and kill Superman, but he fails because he's retarded. Its kind of hard to kill an invincible superhero if you're retarded.

The Riddler

The Riddler was, unfortunately, the only supervillian, if you would call him that, left that was avalible when Lex was recruiting supervillains. So Lex, reluctantly, recruited the Riddler. After the Riddler stopped fainting of excitment he arrived at Lex's farm outside of Smallville and then traveled to the next universe with the five other supervillains.

Heroes

Batman

Batman is a kick-ass, night dwelling, muther-fucker. He'll kick your ass any day and thats what he plans to do with Lex Luthor & co. with the help of Superman, of course. But what are his motives? Will he stay true to his honor, or do some down and dirty things to bring down DCs top five criminals and the Riddler. Follow Crossover Calamities to find out!

Superman

Superman is a Pimp From the Stars with one flaw: if you throw a certain rock at him, no bigger than a fist it will kill him within ten minutes. Fortunately, Superman's enemies are not very smart. And a few of them are bald. And everyone knows bald people never win.