- "I joined a nudist club the other week, but they kicked me out because they said I was sticking my nose into other people's business..."
- ―Gnora the Gnome, who can't help being small!
| |
| Gnora the Gnome | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Died |
Due to Gnomeonia |
| Physical description | |
| Species |
Gnome |
| Gender |
Female |
| Height |
Bloody miniscule |
| Eye color |
Gleaming with insanity |
| Chronological and political information | |
Gnora the Gnome was a small, squeaky, runty young woman (no, and this time it's not El Geeko Primo...) who fell into the category of being a Gnome. Like all Gnomes, she came from Gnome-man's land, and lived on a diet that consisted solely of monkey feces. Don't ask me why this is what a Gnome's diet consists of; it just does. That's the way these things work. If you question how these things work, you'll find yourself eating monkey feces too. So I wouldn't advise it. I really, really wouldn't. Despite her somewhat cute and friendly appearance, Nora spent a considerable deal of time in Sesame Street, and as an accomplice to the Joker himself. Suggestions that Nora might be the Joker wannabe were soon dispelled after the Joker wannabe was seen standing up at a height of over around three inches.
Nora herself did many strange and twisted things that gave rise to the idea that she was actually in love with the Joker, but had to split up working with him after she got summarily bitch slapped by Duela Dent (it was a Wednesday - on Wednesday's she's the Joker's daughter) for trying to hit on her dear old papa. Nora's next partner in crime, after a short stint with a man known only as Billy "Lol Blondz" Arrowsmith, was Catwoman, before the two of them encountered Batgirl. Batgirl didn't take kindly to a bunch of other women on her turf, stealing the men she was working so hard to seduce, and so she scared off Catwoman and flushed Nora down the toilet.
Because of this, she caught Gnomeonia and died.
History[]
Early life[]
- Gnora: "I've worked with the Joker, I've killed people, I've ripped off mob dealers and raided their banks... and you refuse to let me in?"
- Worker: "Sorry, but the point is that you're just too short for this roller coaster!"
- — Gnora had a deprived childhood.
As a young Gnome, Gnora attended the London School of Ecognomeics. The Gnome Office of America turned a blind eye to the goings on of the various Gnomes in Gotham City. Gnora's Gnome home had a hefty collection of Metrognome's, her mother being somewhat of an obsessive (hey, like Bale!) collector of things. Despite this, they were Gnomads, and travelled around making music under their stage name, the Rolling Gnomes. They also ran a service for the houses of other people, the Gnome service, and so Gnora's childhood life was, obviously, very tiring. Her madness and eviltude in later life could perhaps be attributed to this moving around and madness in her early life. Perhaps this is what made her so happy to leave her home when she got the opportunity? Who knows. But, in the Rolling Gnomes, it was Gnora's job to make sure all the Metrognomes were working well and on time. She did this pretty well, if true be told.
Gnora's father.
At the London School of Ecognomics which, for some reason, was located in Gotham City (no, seriously, what the hell?), Gnora first learnt the art of killing. They studied the art from a technical point of view, although they always maintained that killing is wrong, and that was what Gnora was always taught, but she actually believed more in the tenet of thought that killing is fun. Which, as the belief of most of those in Gotham City, was all too true. There education teaching practices, then, are obviously being mentally denied, probably because of their supreme fail.
Gnora's attempts to work as an exotic dancer (code word for whore) failed due to the fact that, no matter how much of her body she put on display, she was just so small that there wasn't much point paying. So, Gnora instead left the Rolling Gnomes to work as a telephone operator, but jumping up and down on buttons bigger people could push just wasn't econgnomeical, and so they actually sacked Gnora. By now, Gnora was pretty pissed off, and was happy to get back at the bigger people, like the Teen Titans, in whatever way she could. She left her family, who were (did I mention?) Gnomeads, to live in a permanent residence, but picked a pretty bad spot. Although she did make Sesame Street worse with her presence, so I guess it kind of suited her.
With the Joker[]
- Man: "When is a Gnome not a Gnome?"
- Gnora: "*sigh* When he has his head up a fairy's skirt, when he becomes a goblin... Do you have any idea how many fucking times I've heard that one?"
- — Life gets repetitive for a Gnome.
Living in Sesame Street, the Joker discovered Gnora after hiding in her house to avoid the wrath of God. Gnora, angry at finding a man intruding on her personal space (although secretly quite pleased) delivered a roundhouse kick that went on for about twenty minutes, as her small legs covered body space of a normal person at a very, very slow rate. The Joker, who had plenty of time and so was happy to sit around and watch the show, thought she'd be a funny mascot and assistant who couldn't be seen, therefore he could lay off using magic and instead use clever tricks involving Gnora's tiny-tude to hide her from the eyes of people who'd be looking for the Joker to make a mistake, so they could jump on him and fuck over his reputation.
With the Teen Titans on the rise and Bateman (in conjunction with God) attempting to shut down the Joker and all his assets, Gnora made herself "useful" by filing the Joker's nails after a long mission, to get all the grit and blood out of them. Call that job satisfaction? Because Gnora does! Gnora didn't actually use a file; she used a Gnome sized mop, actually, because she was a bit too small to do anything else. Gradually, however, Gnora began to help the Joker more and more, and the Joker carried her around in the top button of the shirt he wore beneath his weird sweater things. Although it was a bit hot and a bit sweaty down there, Gnora secretly (and publicly) quite liked it. This also meant she had the ability to jump out and headbutt the Joker's enemies in their eyes. Being small as her head was, it used to get stuck in the pupil, but the Joker would pull her out. Feeling sorry for the victim? Don't! Having a Gnome in your eye is much more comfortable than a pencil!
Gnora secretly began to fall in love with the Joker, which is quite surprising. But I don't understand how she could claim she ever had a chance; she was hundreds - no, thousands - of inches smaller than him, and a good couple of metres too. I don't think the Joker ever knew, or he'd have taken the piss out of little Gnora mercilessly. She confided this secret solely in a woman she met in a bar, Duela Dent. It was a wednesday, however, and on wednesdays Duela's father is the Joker. So, with a toss of her ginger hair and a scream of "Stay away from my papa!", Gnora was smacked out of the door, across a couple of city blocks and ended up head down in a dustbin. LOL DENIED.
Gnomeonia[]
- "Ah... Gnome Sweet Gnome."
- ―Gnora, arriving home.
This meant that Gnora couldn't spend time with the Joker any more, partly because she couldn't find him. I mean, from her point of view, one man's ankle looks like any others, and finding the Joker amongst all the people in Gotham? Not happening. Therefore, Gnora needed new partners. She met the crazed madman known only as Billy "Lol Blondz" Arrowsmith in the same bar she'd been punched out of by Duela, and the two were bored. Therefore, boredom being a terrible thing, the two decided to raid a couple of mob banks and then head out for pizza, as your average person does. So, that they did, and they managed to make so much money that they could buy an eighteen course buffet in twenty of the pizza restaurants in Gotham! And Gnora ate a considerable amount for her size; well, her name is Gnawer. This partnership didn't really go anywhere, as both drank so much in alcohol that neither remembered much about what had gone on in the morning.
She's too sexy for your lawn.
And so Gnora met Catwoman. For some reason, women do stuff in groups. They go to the toilets in groups. They go out for walks in groups. The fucking PMS in groups. And so, it stands to reason, that they commit crimes in groups. So Gnora and Catwoman made a mini group, of just two, to do exactly what Gnora had done with Billy and, before him, the Joker. But on a bigger scale. Catwoman and Gnora had a pretty good business going, that had the supposedly diligent and hardworking cops of Gotham really wondering how the hell they were supposed to catch someone that small, whose finger prints were too tiny to see. But they didn't. Only a criminal can stop a criminal, not the cops. That's the main rule of Gotham City. Duh.
One day, however, Gnora and Catwoman got too big for their boots. They came into the turf of an area owned by Batgirl. Now, Batgirl liked her men. She liked them big, she liked them hunky, and she liked them all to herself. So when Catwoman, aided by Gnora, began stealing her men, she got very bitchy, as women are prone to do. Because Catwoman's insanely badass and better than Batgirl, all Batgirl could do was scare Catwoman off. (And she was lucky to do that!) Gnora, however, couldn't run fast, as she had little legs. Batgirl, being a bit of a bully, picked up Gnora and dropped her down the toilet. She flushed so hard that Gnora not only got bounced around and around but smacked her head a few times. Because of the cold and the wet, she contracted Gnomeonia (like pneumonia, but for Gnomes!), came out in a basin in a cell in Arkham Asylum, and died some time later.
Bad luck.