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Green Lantern shut your mouth

Green Lanterns wants YOU to shut your mouth.

"Evil? Evil? Somebody around here is gonna have their goddamn mouth shut for them."
― Green Lantern


Green Lantern was one of the first and the greatest heroes ever. He got where he is today by never taking no crap from nobody. His career is mostly compromised of kicking supervillains' butts and making them shut up. The long and violent history members of the Green Lantern Corps in Sector 2814 have had in acting badass was totally not changed by him at all. He became Green Lantern after the final shutting up of Abin Sur.

Green Lantern terrorist

Destroying a small town

Hal Jordan went on to become legendary across the galaxy for his hard-hitting tactics and his smoothness with the ladies. His methods were unequaled in both the art of fighting and lovemaking. This mutual prowess attracted scores of villains and women alike. Frequently at the same time. But the Green Lantern didn't need any of it. Men wanted him, women wanted to be him. And he didn't need any of that stuff. Green Lantern requires only food, beer, his magical omnipotent weapon, and the occasional blowjob. He even keeps his nose clean from the white stuff, which is more than most of you high-and-mighty types can say. Green Lantern doesn't play that shit.

His biggest difficulty came from the bureaucratic Guardians of the Universe, founders of the Green Lantern Corps, who thought he was a loose cannon space-cop out of control. Hal Jordan mostly solves this problem by dodging their phone calls and not showing up to the meetings on Oa. Those guys are a lot more difficult to shut up than most people. And even if you did, it probably wouldn't be that worth it. There are a lot of them.

For his dedication to removing crime from our streets and underpants from our women, Green Lantern was asked to join the original Justice League of America. To more effectively fight ridiculous monsters and evil magicians in his sector, he made this concession. The relationship between him and Batman is strained, largely because Green Lantern's girlfriend Carol Ferris was Batman's high-school sweetheart, and Robin had wanted to be the original Pieface.


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