Hardware 01

Sporting his traditional shocked expression every time he walks into a room with something in it.

"I've sworn to end the violence that threatens to tear this city apart, by destroying and exploding every single building one by one to end all evil through trial and error. That will make them all pay for the vague disillusionment I received as a child."
"Wait, I remember this guy... angry... trash can... what's his name?... Oscar the Grouch!"

Hardware is an angry angry black man in a suit of armor, who terrorizes Dakota City as a super villain hero. He rages against a cruel sadistic world that has allowed him to become a wealthy billionaire, spending all of his nights indiscriminately blowing up buildings and hoping that there are criminals inside. He is a brilliant scientist inventor, but he hates his boss, Edwin Alva. Responding appropriately to the inter-office tension as any reasonable person would, he spends all of his time developing newer better more explosive weapons to kerplode his boss into smithereens. This invariably leads to negative performance reviews, and it's a vicious cycle.

Hardware 02

Spends the rest of his time running around like this.

This pattern of aggression may stem from a number of factors from his childhood. Only his most recent psycho-therapist who he has not killed yet knows for sure. Most likely, it is directed at his parents, who of course abandoned him while he was very young. Iron Man and Steel, who met in a drunken slash fic written by horny teenagers. This is the best explanation anyone has yet come up with.

He continues on leading his one-man crusade against evil or whatever the latest thing is. Not to say he wants it to be a one-man crusade, but he has trouble playing well with the other heroes. Icon stopped returning his calls after a bizarre incident involving spaghetti, napalm, and three fetching young college students. His frequent attempts to find someone willing to be his sidekick usually end up with him getting maced again. His girlfriend Barraki Young lives across the street, and he has never actually talked to her, but her windows are open like all the time.


Hardware 03

He still takes the subway like the rest of us.

The robot suit is made out of the finest technology alive. It can fire lasers, and holds over six hundred songs by your favorite hip hop artists. It's two primary usages are crime fighting, and reeling in the ladies. It is often crippled by a few key weaknesses however, such as the fact that it only runs on AA batteries. Given the immense amount of power required to run it, this means that Hardware can only actually battle evil-doers for stints of thirty seconds at a time.

External LinksEdit

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