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- "Crime needs to be taught a lesson. A name for them to scream as justice rains down from above like the scorn of a thousand victims. But I need a symbol... and a big doofy costume to go with it."
- ― Hawkman
Hawkman is a superhero with all the powers of a hawk, and all the powers of a man. He uses his humanoid/small bird powers to fight crime, and the forces of evil.
Simplified origin storyEdit
AAAAAAAAAUUUUUGHHH AAAAAUUUUUUUUGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGHHH we don't want to talk about it. There was like an alien planet, or an egyptian demi-god, or he was like a hawk-fetishist or something. Whatever. It's too confusing. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know.
Ummmmm did you look at the sexy ladies yet? Distracted now? Good.
When not acting as his costumed alter-ego, Hawkman spends most of his time in the St. Roch park areas, where he enjoys preying on small mammals, fish and grubs and worms.
Local bird-watchers who are lucky enough to catch sight of him in their binoculars might notice a toned undercarriage from all of the cardio he does. He is a red-tailed Hawkman.
He also works in his spare-time as a bagel shop employee. As a hawk, he is not a very capable bagel maker. To be honest, it's not even really clear how he would get a job there at the first place. The bagels would have talon scratches on them. Feathers in the cream cheese. How hygienic are birds, anyway?
Other things that are funny about HawkmanEdit
HIs secret identitity makes no sense at all, like his origin, John Byrne's retcons, and that one guy in the corner that rambles all night about pencils. He also rambles about Hawkman. The End.
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