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Psylocke

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Psylocke
Psylocke

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Biographical information

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Born
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A reason to thank god.

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Died
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A reason to pray to god.

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Nationality
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British

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Career

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Occupation
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  • Sexy assassin
  • Killer of horny Fanboys

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Companies
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Insane admin of Arkhampedia

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Other work of note
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She is HAWT.

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"I'm up here, chief. You realize your going to be in a world of hurt if you look at my breasts again, right?"
―Psylocke to a common Fanboy

Elizabeth Glorianna Braddock, also known as Psylocke, is the hottest of hotties. Her story started as a dull one, a nerdy girl and little sister of Captain Britain and James Braddock Jr.. Her parents came form some reality known as Otherworld, and inherited powers from them.

She was often found masquerading as a costumed crime fighter early on, but was unsuccessful due to her geeky nature. It would take a full body change to turn her from geeky girl to sex god in the eyes of men.

In truth, because of the fact that her looks brought in the boys instead of her former shape, she became a raging lesbian.

Although the body she inhabits is the body of an assassin who was a porn star on the side, she stands against such shows, and is glad to slit the throat of anyone who might believe porn is an okay pastime.

You might want to cover your mouth and lose the boner, friend. She takes great offense to that.

BiographyEdit

Young, Geeky, Boring lifeEdit

"No man could ever have wanted me. Not 'till I changed. That's why I hate them."
―Excerpt from the book Gay Superheros: Loud and proud.

Born Elizabeth Glorianna Braddock, Elizabeth was quickly introduced to her mutant abilities. She, however, did not originally use her telekinetic powers, preferring the life of a normal book rat. She grew into her early twenties fairly sheltered from the world, and began to sell books.

Her most eventful time in Britain at her early age was when her brother, Jamie, crashed his race car at the mansion. She rushed him too their private jet to get him to the nearest hospital, Yes, they were such stuck up rich snobs, they had a jet. , but the plane was brought down by Psylocke's inability to be a pilot.

An agent of Red Skull brought the two under his control upon finding them after they had crashed, but they were rescued by her older brother and his new friend, Captain America. It urged her father into the abyss away from her brother's lives.

At twenty four, she saved up enough money to get away from her rich and famous super hero brothers, and went to start up a book store in New York City.

One day she received a letter that stated the Xavier Mansion needed a copy of "To Kill a Mocking Bat". She retrieved the book from her store and went to Xavier's Mansion, only to find that Juggernaut was tearing apart the mansion. He brutally attacked her, but couldn't break through her shield. Annoyed and bored, he left the mansion.

When the team found her, looking at the retreating Juggernaut, they thought her a good asset. She briefly joined the team, but it was destined to be short lived. Her lack of skills drew them to kick her out. Betsy finally decided the hero biz wasn't for her, and went back to her library.

A man named Billy, who was having casual sex with an assassin known as Kwannon, saw that she was ugly, but thought she could be the ultimate wife; if only he spruced her up a bit.

He went to a magic store and bought a book known as "Body Transferring for Dummies". It was sweet, all he needed to do was get the women in the same room together, then recite an ancient text.

Billy Arrowsmith 01

The two got in touch with their inner fanboys and girls.

He got to know Betsy over the next few weeks, stating to her that he was a big fan of her when she was an X-Man. Betsy was flattered, no other man had ever spoken to her in this way.

Late one September night he invited Betsy over for dinner. They walked into the room to find Kwannon laying on the couch naked. Billy quickly spoke the spell, and the two switched bodies.

Betsy found herself staring at her own body. She looked down, and realized she was naked. Naked in front of a man. She was disgusted. Suddenly, her anger broiled up into her amazing body, and two psi blades erupted around her wrist and hand. She slashed her former self in two, then turned on Billy. He pleaded, saying that he had made her better, but only got a pencil from his desk rammed through his head.

Betsy realized she was different now. She had been turned into a hot woman that could get what ever she wanted. But strangely, this little fanboy had turned her off to men.

She decided then and there that that was it. She go out and kill every fan boy in the world.

But would it just end with the Marvel Universe?

Killing Fanboys in her UniverseEdit

Nina

This is Nina.

Psylocke needed to cool off a bit after that, so she managed to convince the X-Men that it really was her, not Kwannon. They started doing missions, and she started formulating plots.

Uncanny X-Men 467

Because this article needed more pics of her hotness.

At night, she would sneak out and kill fanboys she met over the internet, and kill them one by one.

One, however, proved tricky.

They called him Nina, and he was a compulsive alcoholic from Ireland. They called him Nina because when he would brag that he learned the techniques of the Ninja back when he was the assassin known as Snake Doctor.

Now, Nina was never that good a hero, but he could defend himself. And he often showed this by banging women he saved and then leaving them. Cold bastard.

But he was good with weapons. At one point in his career, he and Deadpool had served together quite well.

She found his house was booby trapped with strung C4, Dynamite, and Claymores. She also found that he had a 50 caliber turret in his window that he used to hunt the Red Elk with. (Not legally, of course) He also had a Dragunov sniper rifle and ab AUG assault rifle. In the end, he was a drunk Irish redneck with connections sitting on a couple thousand pounds of explosives, enough ammo to kill the Hulk, smoking a cigarette, drinking whiskey from the bottle, and popping frag grenades out the front door.

So, she had to use her new found abilities to get to him. She seduced him in the bar, where they rapidly made out, and he took her back to his place. They mad out all the way past the explosives and the main weapons into he small bedroom. He swapped out his prized possession, and she cut it off.

He screamed, and reached for his P38, but she cut off his hand. Then she slashed off his head.

She then left Ireland and went to the mansion to preform a rescue mission to save a little kitty mutant. How cute.

Killing in Star Trek, baby!Edit

Gump: "Hey, captain, this rock looks like Kryptonite! Can I have it for my collection? Please?"
Picard: "Don't you touch that, red shirt!"
Gump: "AGH!!"
Gump gets electrocuted.
GumpRedshirt

The last Fanboy of the Final Frontier, Gump.

Eventually, she managed to do it. That's why you never see fanboys in Marvel Comics anymore. They are all dead.

She still did not have a sense of accomplishment, however. She sulked at the mansion and did minor missions until....

Until that day came.

The team got transported by some alternate reality shit into a futuristic world, but not their future. The team began to call this world "Trek".

They were taken in by the crew of the starship Enterprise. The Enterprise was known to hold species that were dying out. What Psylocke came to find was that they also carried on their ship the last of a human race.

The last fanboy in Trek Universe.

He called himself Gump, a red shirt, he collected mint condition comics and holocomics. He had a stash of toy Power Rings where normal men would keep their porno holos. He was the a Master of Geeks, and even used to call Worf "Martian Manhunter", something that would earn him a black eye.

Psylocke couldn't help herself. She met up with him in the ship bar, Ten Forward, and made an advance on him while the other X-Men were with the crew of the ship fighting some kind of Alien Mutants.

She led him back to her place, and slashed him right there.

She got off scott-free after managing to slip away with the X-Men as they went home. Riker would later find the red shirt's dead body, and order a semi-investigation. In all seriousness, he put no man on the job because nobody cares about a red shirt, do they?

Murdering in MangaEdit

"I can thank the Exiles for the chance to kill a whole new league of fanboys. That's about it, really. They were boring."
―Psylocke
Tom Manga

He's so young... Why?

Psylocke began to go insane knowing that there were fanboys still out there. She almost took her own life, when she was magically teleported out of her world.

Suddenly, she found herself hurled into the part of a member of the Exiles, a group that travels the multiverse. She only let them make her a teammate if she had permission to kill any fanboy she liked, which the powers that be begrudgingly excepted.

And she did it yet again. She managed, after six years with the Exiles, to knock out every damn fanboy in the Marvel multiverse.

Soon enough, she'd find herself tinkering with her multiverse teleporter, which lead to the accident. She electrocuted the chip in the bracelet and was hurled out of the Marvel universe entirely. She found herself in a horrible world that had no alternate versions of the people she once knew, but a world run by...

The Japanese.

More specifically, Manga.

She was terrified of the seven year olds of that world, because they had huge jugs. The men looked like women. It was an odd and world, and one that made you want to heave....

But one that had fanboys by the billions.

It took her eighteen years in her new Manga-like body to kill them off, and it ended gruesomely. She killed a young kid named Tom, whose only crime was opening a comic book.

Psylocke not only brought the satisfaction of her taking out the fanboys of two multiverses with her, but her new found love life. For in this world of teenagers with breasts the size of watermelons, she learned something.

She was lesbian.

Killing even more fanboys, but now in DC universeEdit

"SHE'S MINE, ALL MINE, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HERE!"
Madclaw, referring to his woman.
Madclaw freaky

Her one true love.

Psylocke was run out of the Mangaverse by rioting COPPA agents. She stumbled across another universe similar to her home universe, and took up shop. There, as she planned to kill off the fanboys of this universe, she fell in love. But not with a woman. He called himself El Gara.

It was love at first site. The two got along like peas in a mangled mess of fur. They went everywhere together, and Psylocke even began to forgive the various fanboys of the multiverses. They had rampant sex. Every night, and neither seemed to get tired of it.

But one day, Psylocke walked into his apartment to see him having sex with Poison Ivy. Turned out, his real name was Jack "Madclaw" Garatule, and that he went by a different name at night, and even that he was secretly a huge fanboy. She went into a furious rage that ended with the death of Poison Ivy. Psylocke then stole a local rocket and brought him to mars, where she sold him into slavery to the White Martians. On her way back she discovered that an entire moon landed on Mars, and that "Madclaw" was dead. She shed no tears, but instead planned to kill of all DC fanboys and then send herself into exile.

ExileEdit

Hermit geek

Who says a hermit can't wear nice clothes?

"Hmmm. Yes. Control your feelings. Meditate. Now jump up and down. Yes..."
The all powerful geek to Psylocke

Eventually, Psylocke killed ever fanboy in the DC universe. She teleported randomly, and ended up in a swamp in yet another reality. There, an old geek had a hermitage.

The geek took her in, and let her get some food and sleep. The young woman planned on killing the geek the next morning, but she kept putting it off.

Instead the old hermit taught her to stay calm and control herself. She managed, with this geeks help, to lose her past aggressions once and for all.

The final test, said the wise old geek, was too kill one she would call an ally in her past life. So, he sent her to our little neck of the multiverses to murder Jack Nicholson, the man that was killing off Arkhampedians one by one.

Now, a man named Ron White learned of the fact that she was visiting. A former member of the navy and a man that originally came from the Marvelverse himself, found her ability to be here insulting. When Psylocke finally found Jack, this man formerly known as "Deadpool" shot both of them in the head.

And so the story of Psylocke ends. But does it really? Do you hear that voice when you sleep in your bed at night, <insert name here> ?

It's her.

She wants to kill you.

Run.


See alsoEdit

Related ArticlesEdit

Swimsuit galleryEdit

WARNING If you look at any of the above images, Psylocke's ghost will haunt you for all your days. Oops, a bit late, ain't it?

External LinksEdit


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