- Black Cat: "If you weren't so good in the sack you'de be completely useless."
- Spider-Man: "I was good in the sack?"
- — Ah, reunions bring tear to the eye.
Spiderman is possibly the biggest fruit in the history of the comic biz. Actually, I take that back. Two words: Mary-Jane, otherwise known as the star of hit TV show Sluts in the City, but thats all.
He'll tell you his "real" name is Peter Parker, but he's lying. His name is Peter James Parker. So whatever you do, don't trust him. He is a superhero, I'll give him that. Not a good one though. Wow he can climb on walls. Whoopty-doo. He can't even make his own webs. He has to buy his webs at some prank store and then he can use them. What a gyp. We wears tights, but, unlike most superheroes, he ain't ripped. So he's a fag in tights. Who wants to read a comic book about that? He used to be a Communist sympathizer in the Cold War, is married to a chippie named Karl Marx, and his son is the ex-President Dmitri Yuriev. You know, from that crappy Xenosaga video game.