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The Cavalier

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The Cavalier

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Biographical information

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Born
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A Loser

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Died
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An (even) bigger Loser

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Nationality
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Shakespearean

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Career

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Occupation
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Speaks in shakespearean tongue

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Companies
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DC Comics

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Police Officer: "I thought I told you to lam, rummy!"
The Cavalier: "You did...and now I tell you to fear the Shakespeare-spewing, felonious guy in a colorful costume...and the feathery hat. But mainly because of the cool hat."
— Police Officer who mistook the Cavalier for a homeless guy.


The Cavalier was a swordsman who speaks in Shakespearean English and dresses in a French musketeer costume for kicks. His hobbies included stealing stuff from junkyards and robbing pre-schoolers at sword point. He was everything that made people faint at his mere appearance, because he would often enter a dark room with his dazzling costume and scare everyone.

HistoryEdit

Fall from CitizentryEdit

Mortimer Drake was playboy and friend of Bruce Wayne's. Unfortunately, while Drake was in the cool crowd, he was too much of a loser to do anything. Even though he hung out with really, really, cool guys like Christian Bale and God all the time, he didn't go for pills like Bane, go for fast cars like Killer Moth, or even faster women, like the Penguin. No, those things were for people who were less of a loser than he was.

Instead, Drake spent his days collecting tea strings and trying to build the world's largest ball of homemade tea bags, which he hoped to place in his own museum. This, along with listening to his swimming pool filter choke on dead leaves, comprised his favorite hobbies. But Mortimer Drake had money. Tons of money.

So one day as he was walking down the streets of Gotham City, he saw an old lady emptying out her garbage. And, in the garbage, Drake saw a little gleam....

Immediately attracted to the pile of trash, he offered the old lady a million dollars for it. Of course, any one in their right mind would take advantage of this and demand a million more. But the old lady just laughed him away. Enraged, Drake took the trashcan and prepared to smash it over her head. It then came to him: If he could not buy it legally, the next logical move would be to dress in a colorful costume modeled after an exact eighteenth century Musketeer, don a hat with a big feather in it, and sneak back to the house at night so he could be evil, and steal his garbage.

So, Drake dubbed himself the 'Cavalier', and was born into a life of crime. Unfortunately for him, he made the mistake of clashing with the urban terrorist Bateman, who had gotten the same idea. Bateman, in turn, had Drake arrested and thrown into prison. Swearing revenge, the Cavalier escaped by boring his captors to sleep with his holiday vacation slides and then taking their keys to his cell. He then returned, looting garbage cans all over Gotham City and breaking into trinket and flower stores. He also began refashioning his costume to make it more colorful (after all, people paralyzed by fits of hysterical laughter are easier to rob) After doing so, the Cavalier burst into a bar for third-rate villains and announced that he had joined their ranks. No one noticed.

Swearing to make his debut to real crime, the Cavalier moved a step up by stealing a load of antique junk rather than anything valuble: An old, yellowed, photograph, a fake crystal, an automatic battery-charger for charging its own batteries, and a copy of the book 'To Kill a Mockingbat'. He also looted a street seller's discards, stealing vintage watermelon rinds, potato peels, and rotting chicken claws. He then attempted his most daring robbery yet: To steal a live whale.

While he held the Gotham City Aquarium staff at swordpoint, he realized his old tin bucket was not large enough to hold the whale. While he was pondering on how he could get it back to his hideout, he was arrested by the Gotham City Police Department.

Later Curio SpreesEdit

The Cavalier broke out of jail again, and returned to terrorize the junk dealers of Gotham City with his victorian language. However, he was re-arrested when he delayed a caper for too long to help an old lady carry her shopping.

After arranging a jailbreak, the Cavalier broke out again and developed a chemical that could cause women to bow to his will. Never realizing its full potential, Drake discarded the formula, where it was found by Christian Bale.

He then turned to gambling, losing his sword to Wally Tortellini in a poker game. When he failed at that, he frequented another bar for down-and-out losers like himself and played a hand of cards with Captain Pathetic. After this, he succeeded in (finally!) doing something right when he beat Maxwell Lord at poker and won the remains of a supercomputer that had previously been programmed by Metron to dominate the world....that is, before Bateman had crashed the computer by playing an outdated PC game on it.

Drake, in turn, tried to design what was left of the computer into a giant robot to defend his hideout. He planned to paint the robot in his image, but sadly, lost his paints. He failed to even gain anything out of this encounter, because Maxwell Lord invaded the Cavalier's hideout while the villain was asleep at night and stole back the remains of the once-great supercomputer. He tried placing circuits together to revive the cyber threat, or least bring to him Metron to design another one, but ended up somehow resurrecting Gotham Sesame Street gangster Grover Maroni instead.

The Cavalier, meanwhile, sought acceptance by joining the Secret Society of Super-Villains, and took to wearing a top hat and monocle to distinguish himself. Finally, due to his inability to do anything right (including get along with his teammates), Drake jumped up and down on the top hat, sold it to Abraham Lincoln for a cent, and then smashed the monocle with his hands (Cutting them in the process).

He then tried hanging out with other losers like Signalman and Captain Stingaree, but left them behind in the dust after jacking a motorcycle from an expensive biker gang. Unfortunately for him, the gang members caught up with him, beat him to a bloody pulp, and reclaimed their motorcycle.

In desperation, the Cavalier turned to accepting a bounty on the head of Bane, and the Secret Six. He launched a suicide charge at Bane, who broke the Cavalier's back across his knee.

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